It's half an hour before I jump into rehearsals for The Winter's Tale. It's my second production of this show (already? weird) and I'm having a blast working with an enormous group of kind, talented folks. Also, my summer has been completely and utterly insane.
Big ol' huge news to follow, but I'll get into that when I have time to tell the entire tale. For now I just wanted to mention that I'm still alive and well...and undergoing an interesting mental shift. As I've mentioned time and again, I have a tendency to live beneath the wants and whims of others. Command me with enough force and I'll just to the chance to please you, no matter what. I'll be trailing behind at a distance, because that's what I thought I deserved. Unworthiness is an insidious beast that gets into your nervous system and cripples you from the inside out. I have several friends who seem to be fighting themselves more than anything else. The ones with a self-imposed structure of some kind are busy and happy, while those of us living piecemeal seem a little skittish yet hopeful. The friends of mine with big, open eyes are daunted by what they see. Those who squint through life seem pretty okay with things. Now this rule isn't hard and fast by any means, of course...it's just a general observation.
After gulping down some amazing words (courtesy of Imagine by Jonah Lehrer and Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon) I have a sudden urge to take myself less seriously and really be alright with looking like a moron. I mean I AM. I'm great at it--but it's an easy kind of looking stupid. I like looking dumb on my own terms, just like the hipsters that crown to dance floor to sarcastically emulate the flailing limbs of the crowd who is really into it, man. But that's me. I'm the spaz in the middle of the room, headbanging with short hair and busting out air-guitar solos. The fact of the matter is, you don't need your favorite song to make that okay. In the real world, you don't have to wait for the starting pistol. You can just sprint out of the gate. You're allowed.
Let me rephrase that-
I'M allowed.
To be continued of course.
Love,
Dak
HEY MANG, YOU WANT SOME BULLET POINTS?
- The standup comedy scene here in town is on the up-and-up. Saw a show last night and haven't laughed that hard for that long in a WHILE.
- Games I'm playing: Breath of Fire 4 (finally caught up to where I was when I last played it a decade or so ago.) Fallout: New Vegas (old, yeah, but one I haven't beaten yet.) Persona 4 (same story here.)
- Went camping, got into nature, but didn't get a vacation from my brain, que sera.
- Redesigned an old comic of mine. Totally masturbatory side-project, but still SO MUCH FUN.
- Less masturbatory side projects include: Jabberwocky (children's play written by some buddies and I), Converting my dungeon apartment into an art space, 3 other plays on the docket (4 Loves, Flyboy, and an as-yet unnamed piece about the apocolypse), actual masturbating, Viewpoints-inspired production of Woyzeck.
