I've come to terms with the fact that I might just wind up alone in the end.
Let me elaborate so that sounds less dramatic. I'm nearing 30 now and it seems like most ladies my age are turning their eyes toward settling down and starting families and whatnot. I have to say, that's really never had any appeal to me. Sure, I want to find a partner in crime that I'll want to spend the rest of my life with...but that isn't, and hasn't ever been, my priority. I can't say whether my own growing up has had an influence on that, though I'm certain it does. I wish I could just chalk it up to being 'afraid of commitment', but that's not it either. It just isn't that simple. I could shrug and call it 'being an artist' if I wanted to, but it's more than that as well. That's not even what stability looks like to me. Stability is more than a station wagon and a gaggle of kids.
I've never imagined myself as a family man. I have a family. I have several! All of whom I love from the bottom of my heart. More importantly, I've never wanted that for myself. It isn't a lynchpin or a goal for me. That isn't success for me. That isn't a lifestyle I want. I get the appeal, of course. I helped raise two incredible, strong, brilliant, creative little sisters. I've had the privilege of watching them become people. I've seen them grow and gotten to say "Look how BIG you are!" in complete earnest. I've seen the joy they bring to my own parents, but not once have I thought to myself, "Yes. THAT'S what I want. THAT'S for me."
And no, I'm not throwing in the towel for All Relationships Forever...but I also understand that what I need out of life isn't what a lot of others want. I know this attitude shrinks my pool. I know that a lot of people simply can't understand why I wouldn't desire something that seems entirely natural for a good portion of the world.
I've also never aligned myself with 'a good portion of the world'.
I admire aging bachelors and bachelorettes. The lives they lead are the lives I want. I've known that all my life and have never deviated from it. Sure, I've been open to the idea that one day things might change...but they haven't. Am I missing out on 'the human experience'? Maybe. I'd say "yes" if I truly felt I was missing anything.
Different strokes, I suppose. I have yet to be convinced that any other life would be BETTER than what I've always desired.
So as I said. I could very well end up alone. I'm only starting to feel the full weight of that...and to be honest...it's a weight I think I can bear.
Sad? I don't know yet. I'm thinking 'no'.
Anyhoo...toodles, loves!
Dak
