Secondly, this song has been an invaluable Super Hero theme for me for awhile.
So, guys, the concept of being risk-averse has suddenly become pretty central to me. I'm beginning to realize that the main difference between the times I've been the most emotionally charged, creative, and excited about life have been the times I've taken the most risks. I don't mean jumping into danger for the sake of danger, or as I see too frequently with my generation and those younger, spitting in the face of danger for a false sense of invincibility. I mean putting forth one hundred percent and exposing every aspect of my strange, beautiful humanity. The video at the top really put me in an excellent mood when I watched it this morning. It was an incredible reminder of all the advice I got from my professors in college, and frankly, all the advice I choose to stick to now. Your humanity is enough. Your worth is implicit. Nobody expects you to be perfect because that's not real. It takes a hell of a lot of courage to admit to our shared vulnerability.
These two months have felt like a mire. I've been constantly comparing myself to others and deciding I'm coming up short. Other folks must have way more drive than I do. Other people have it RIGHT. Other folks haven't made the mistakes I have. Other people blah blah blah... I would begin with the assumption that I've done things the wrong way and find proof to justify myself continuing to believe that. I've taken ever misstep as another reason to hide, to shut down, to back away from the people around me lest they see me for the chaos on two legs that I assume I am when I'm judging myself. I cut away all possible risks and buried my interactions with people behind a flippant mask. Yeah, I held my own heart in my hand--and were it a baby bird, I would've snapped its little bones. Somehow I felt like my brand of humanity was unacceptable.
But...why? Where does this assumption come from? I've always felt like a Hot Wheels car that was plunked down on a slot car track--no matter how hard I try, I just can't drive along the same figure eight pattern that most of the other cars are driving. In reality there is no track. Everyone is a Hot Wheels car. No two paths are the same, and the majority of people aren't all flocking to one particular type of lifestyle that they want. It just feels far less apparent because I've been licking my wounds so long.
I'm up for some risk. I'm up to take this human out for a spin and see what happens. I'm up for letting go of my assumptions about other people, because I haven't MET everyone else on earth. I'm up for cutting other folks a little slack instead of assuming they all have a leg up on me. That's fair to nobody. I'm still trying. Still fighting. Still getting used to trusting the legitimacy of my own life.
Be well, y'all.
Love,
Dak
