Who do you think you are?
Honestly.
I've been thinking about this question, and if I had to answer, I'd probably rattle off several things that have been said about me. True or not, these are the repeating motifs in our lives, and they can become who we are if we aren't careful--and if we aren't honest--and if we aren't truly owning our stories. I used to think my memory was bad. I used to assume I only remembered the bad stuff and the rough times and assumed that's all there was. I assumed that's all I was. I had it in my head that the positive stuff wasn't as important because it didn't seem to affect me as much. Truth is, it just hurt more so it wound up sticking with me in a more profound way.
Combine that with a crippling need to overcompensate for my lack of 'worthiness' and feel superior (by being the noblest victim ever) and you get a recipe for...well...a recipe for a fairly boring existence. Here's the schwing, when you take time not just to paint your life in the colors that serve your ego best, but with the colors of honesty, you get a fuller more authentic picture of who you are. You get to take into account every triumph and face-fall, you get to remember the pedestrian, the seemingly inconsequential, beautiful moments that make up a fully realized human life. You stop casting yourself in the roles people have cast you in, and you begin creating the you that you want to be.
It's easy for me to start thinking about all my mistakes, heaping shame and guilt onto myself, having a personal woe-is-me fest, and then making a concerted effort to deny all the good in my life. We trip over potholes and shut down the whole road. EVEN WHEN THAT ROAD HAS AN IN N' OUT BURGER! I don't want to be so afraid of tripping again that I refuse myself that double double with animal style fries. Look, it isn't a perfect analogy, but I am getting hungry...
We have an entire walk-in closet of experiences, so why do we keep wearing the same thing every day? For me, it's often because those clothes fit and I don't want to take the time to break in a new pair of jeans (despite how great my butt looks in them.) I'm noticing more and more though, that if I take time to look at my extensive wardrobe, I discover outfits I never even knew I had. Or better yet, outfits I forgot I had. Far from being a life characterized solely by doom, gloom, and struggle, mine becomes a complexly, full journey of amazing humanness. I bet you anything that yours is as well.
So who do you think you are?
Cuz me? I think I'm whatever I want to be.
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
Love you!
-Dak
