Art not without ambition...

...but without the illness should attend it.


For most of my life, I've assumed that the things I want only desire a passing familiarity with me. I've used this excuse to avoid going after the life I'd really like to carve out for myself. Oh certainly I've got ambition...but typically it has little to do with improving my life in any profound way. I've mentioned this before, but it's a hell of a lot easier to throw up your hands in disappointment and declare that nothing will ever work out. It's unearned disillusionment. It's smug and it makes you seem REALLY smart.

"Wha? Oh...nah. Become a great artist? That's not for me. It's for douchebags. Besides, that's like...impossible right? Art is in infinite pursuit, so I might as well take my hat out of the ring before we start."

What the eff, right? I don't want to be that guy! Who would? I hate talking with that guy! That guy bums me out at bars! That guy is content to listen to obscure bands and judge people from his brittle ivory tower. That guy...um...is me sometimes.

But hell, as I say frequently, nobody is truly bound to their history! You're always free to doff the ties that bind you to the past and strike out on new adventures. We all do it without realizing it anyway!

My current adventures, by the by, are taking me to lovely Salmon, Idaho to perform Shakespeare, eat at the Junkyard Bistro, and laze around in a bar owned by a local parkour practicioner. If it's anything like last year, it'll also involve some very interesting/bizarre encounters with townies who may or may not want to murder and or sleep with me. Wish me luck. If I return without all of my limbs, then I've done something wrong.

Or very, very right.

Bullet Points!

• My current obsessions (in no particular order): Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood, Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson, Cameo Lover by Kimbra, RPG Maker VX, MSPA, and of course--your rockin' booty.
• It's probably time to take Salsa again. Dancing, that is... I'm not just going around pilfering jars of El Paso.
• Yeah, I've got ideas for Doo Doo Thursdays. You just wait.
• After seeing The Artist with an awesome new friend, I'm finally inspired to write that pantomime show. It's gonna happen, IT'S HAPPENING.
• Add to previous obsessions: 70's era funk bands.

That's all for now, rockstars! Love, peace, and jheri curl grease!

Yours,
Dak

On Love and Vigilance

It's been tough trying to unravel two-odd decades of 'acting a certain way' in a matter of months. Naturally, I had to forget about time limits altogether in order to maintain my sanity. It's like sanding down the surface of a record and putting entirely new grooves on it. Unlearning all the old songs has given me a lot to work on, and I didn't realize just how difficult it would be. It's been like coming home from a trip to the beach and totally forgetting about the four days of dumping sand out of uncomfortable places.

As Mad-Eye Moody would say, it's about 'Constant Vigilance'. I'm great at feeling like I'm good at something. I'm great at thinking I've got a bit of knowledge in a subject and that it's more than enough to get by. As a matter of fact, that's probably the reason it rubs me the wrong way so much when people profess expertise in a subject without proving that they really have it. There's plenty I think I know. Including people.

And at the same time, I'm continually surprised. I'm surprised at how people accept me even when they know my icky side. I'm surprised when I assume someone will react to something in a certain way and they don't. I'm surprised and how little credit I give some folks...often the ones who've shown how much they're really there for me. I flip into this "Oh well gee...you might think I'm great, but you're wrong. I don't deserve your love/appreciation/acceptance/etc"

That's utter bullshit.

My friends and family are my pillars. More than they know.

It takes me an incredibly long time to really trust most people, and it's ridiculously hard for me to love with a complete open heart.

I think that's the next thing to work on. To watch, at least. To be vigilant of.

Love you all. Seriously. I wouldn't be where or who I am without you.

Dak

P.S. Bullet Points!

• That post about Earthbound may be a while...I'm trying to find an angle. Might have to use video for that one to make all my points. You know what that means!! MY ANNUAL PLAYTHROUGH OF EARTHBOUND IS COMING UP!
• If you're wondering--yes, the pictures are almost entirely unrelated.
• I turn 27 in just under a week. Let's hope the rock star curse doesn't hit me...which would make sense, since I'm by no means a rock star.
• Doo Doo Thursdays...resurrect, or let it go?
• Also--you should probably check out this blog. It's written by a dear friend of mine whose linguistic skills are only outdone by her incredible personality. She is beyond lovely, and you'd only be doing yourself a favor by giving her work a look-see.

Bumpin' Attractives

DISCLAIMER: If you're someone who'd prefer to think of me as an asexual creature (i.e. family members, friends, etc.) I'd suggest you ignore this post entirely.

Pic unrelated, but really pretty.

So!

I've been meaning to write a post about sex and attraction for a while, but I couldn't quite figure on what angle I'd take (entendre?) At a loss, I just decided to sort of dive in (entendre!)

I'll just say right off the bat, I really enjoy gettin' it on. Now obviously what human doesn't, but I love every single aspect of it. Perhaps this has more to do with a combination of the tactile sense of everything in conjunction with really learning someone else's rhythm. Either way, I like it a lot. That said, I don't really express that. It has more to do with my assumption of others' level of comfort than my own. In fact, over the New Year, I had a recent acquaintance lean over to me and explicitly describe some fun she and her boyfriend had on the way up to town, then she paused and asked if she was sharing too much information. I politely shook my head and reassured her that it's not something I'm squeamish about, and in fact I love when good friends have great sex.

Obviously I'm one who observes what's appropriate or polite in pleasant company. It's not like I'm going to call home one night and say, "Hey ma! Okay, so I was balls-deep in this backup dancer for RZA, right?" However, I'd still like to feel more comfortable expressing this part of me--especially to those I'm interested in. I believe my worry comes from potentially scaring someone off by sharing with them how much I'm attracted to them. No, like attracted to them. It's a touchy subject anyway, and I've always been careful about respecting others' boundaries...but now it's to the point where I freeze up when I feel attraction. I assume the person I'm interested in couldn't possibly be as lascivious as I am, so I don't make a move. When I think about it...I suppose its another fear issue. Something to really be aware of.

After all...hell...there's no reason why I can't be honest about that. So if I'm attracted to you, you'll know.

To conclude, bullet points!

• Started Macbeth rehearsals! They're going AMAZINGLY. It's like...Japanese street fashion meets steampunk meets goth meets Hammer horror film meets avant-garde Beckett piece.
• I had a spectacular couple of holidays! I can't even pick a favorite part.
• My prison cell apartment has gotten much less prison cell-y as of late. I even have a BEDSPREAD! HOLY HELL!
• I hesitated to start waking up at 6 again at first, but now that I'm in the groove--it's AMAZING! The day feels ridiculously long in a fantastic way.
• The hair may inspire a Bebop outfit one day. If you're lucky.

That's all for now, lovelies! Be good!

Love,

Action Dakson