On Recovery

Since that post, I've been really trying to keep an eye on my patterns and behavior. Not in the restrictive sense, but in the "I'm not slipping back into the old ways, am I?" way. It's been strange, interesting, enlightening, and terrifying. Dealing with issues head-on has made me realize that I actually have the ability and wherewithal to do so. That's the scary part. Most of the stuff I've been terrified about has been resolved with a 20 minute phone call or a trip to the bank. To steal an analogy from Penny Arcade, it's as if there's suddenly a new law of physics...and I'm staring at all the objects falling to the earth instead of drifting into the sky.


That said, I've definitely had some relapse moments. As a matter of fact, I'd spent the better part of last week lamenting my lack of 'progress'. I didn't feel like anything had changed. I was frustrated that one blog post didn't change everything in the way that I'd fantasized it would. I didn't realize what a boon that feeling was. I'd stopped paying as much attention to myself as I was before...and I began slipping into smugness. I'd told myself "This is great! I did it! Wow...two decades of behavioral patterns reversed in a matter of weeks!" Nope. Nuh-uh. Doesn't quite work that way.

It's the fear, really. The fear started to creep its way back into my mind and I allowed it to happen. Before I knew it, I was caught up in a torrent of irrational anxiety. I'd started seeing rampant failure around every corner again. I'd started assuming the friends I was hanging out with would rather be doing something else. I was blowing every activity way out of proportion.

I stopped, took a breath, and told myself that I'm still working on it. Still working on me. I gave myself the time to work through the stuff I'm working through. I didn't just exhibit patience, which is the quality of quiet resolve, I took away the subliminal 'time limit' altogether. The moment I did that, oh man...I just got plain' ol giddy. Not only can I succeed, but I can succeed IN SPITE OF 'insurmountable' setbacks. Somehow this is still a new notion to me.

Anyhoo, things have been good! I'm co-directing my (very pretty and twice as talented) friend's one woman show right now--which has been a total blast. I love watching projects and people develop. The energy is completely contagious and I leave every rehearsal bouncing off the walls. It really makes me want to develop another one person piece. I don't know what the heck it'll be about, but I'll let my imagination take care of it.

And now, bullet points!

• Still haven't laid my hands on Skyrim, but I've been playing Skyward Sword with the aforementioned talented friend. I'm trying to figure out EXACTLY why it feels like such a throwback. It's like the love child of the NES Zelda and Wind Waker. More to come...maybe an entire post because I AM PROUD OF MY NERD-DOM.
• Seeing The Acheri this Saturday. Holy hell holy hell.
• Finally got Google music to work on my droid. Won't be needin' an(other) iPod. Sweets.
• This gal is re-teaching me how to knit! Clearly I'm in good hands.
• Oop, better go to work.

Love y'all!

Dak