The Ol' Ball N Chain

BALL AND CHANG? (If you get it, you are a nerd. Welcome. This is a safe space.)

So a friend of mine wrote this regarding her newfound singletude: "No sad face, just happy faces here. Empowered faces. Finaly free faces."

Well...

Well well well...

She is absolutely right, too. Now why did this little comment strike me so much? Well, dear reader, its because it asks a question of something I have been taking for granted for the longest time. For damn near 20 years, I have been spending a ton of time and a ton of energy coddling my relationships with people, romantic and otherwise. I took this super-single thing to be some character assessment. I used it to grab some good ol' "Woe is me" energy. Some "Boy, if only I had a sweetheart, I could etc etc etc". But know what? Fuck that! Forget it!

And hell, nothing against relationships and people in relationships and people in FANTASTIC relationships--I will however no longer be envious of y'all.

My primary reason for being here is me. And I don't mean that selfishly. I simply hadn't had the desire to be very me-centered for a while.

I've got a horrible habit of hanging out with people and just sort of shutting down. Being marginally clever and interesting, but letting them take the reins of the interaction instead of feeling the complete freedom of doing or saying whatever the fuck comes to mind at the time...it's because I was so focused on assuming what they wanted from me, and then trying to accomplish that. Sit down, you're rockin' the boat and all that shit.

I'm not going to worry about being 'liked' anymore. Like I tell the kids at the Othello Q&A sessions, "Don't try to be a 'good actor'. Be a hard worker."

It's been a long run, but the show's over. I've gotta' toss this costume and go run naked through the rain. It's been a while.