Noms and Nudes

I smirked at the irony of picking up "The Berenstein Bears Forget Their Manners" off the floor in the kids' section at B&N and made my way to the revolving book cage (where Ultimate Fighters read each other into submission.) As I was shelving, I caught a teensy glance out of the corner of my eye and realized a little tike was staring up at me. It's my natural response to smile and wave, so I looked full at the kid and realized the little girl was occupied.

She had a titty in her mouf.

NOW--I'm not in the least bit Puritanical about breastfeeding. In fact, anyone who knows me knows that my goal throughout Middle School was "See A Boob". It remains a motivating factor in my life, but is now superseded by "Get a car", "Act on Stage" and "See a Butt." Nevertheless, I was thrown for a moment--as I haven't figured out the proper protocol for this situation. I mean like...should I say something? If my nuts were hanging out, I'd like someone to mention it. I mean I suppose its different, since kids don't have to suck on balls for sustenance. (Best sentence I've ever written in my life.) I mean...I just wish I'd known in Middle School that evidently all I had to do was hang out in the kids' area of a bookstore.

Brings me to another point--!

Seeing as though I don't live at a housing co-op, I don't expect to run into naked people that frequently. That is to say--if I'm interacting with a naked person, it's probably for a very particular activity. (Hint: Not Yahtzee) So when I took a life drawing class a few years ago, I was sort of stopped in my tracks by the matter-of-fact nature of the entire thing. I've never stared at a nude woman that long while being utterly objective. Um...not that I objectified her...cuz...

Let's start over. Hi, I'm Dakotah.

Nah but fo reelz--one minute you're talking to a fit dancery yoga-ing hippie chick in a robe and the next minute you're trying to be very disconnected while shading her vagina. It's an extremely particular situation that I think everyone should try at least once for the hilarity alone. I mean hell, I wouldn't mind modeling if it weren't for...er...the nature of my nature.

"Can you stop moving that, please? I've had to do a lot of erasing."
"Look man, it does what it wants."
"It's casting a shadow though."
"Well maybe you two should have a talk."

Love love love,
Dakotah