A Star to Sail Her By

I don't ascribe to any religion. I never have. I've been to church a few times, various temples and what-not, and I do have a healthy respect for others' beliefs. Indeed on the grounds of the Tokyo Meiji shrine, surrounded by Buddhist monks in traditional dress and wooden gates that tower above you like gentle colossi, it isn't hard to be floored by the sheer energy of the place. This brings me quite neatly I think, to the belief system I've sort of cobbled together for myself. I believe in energy, in a sort of larger magnetism. I believe that when we stray from this magnetism, we feel the dissonance somewhere deep within ourselves. That may sound very esoteric or out there, but it basically comes down to listening to your true self. Remember them? That serene fucker who isn't bowled over my minor missteps, the one who calmly watches your misfortunes with a slight grin and offers the quiet advice that we ignore? The one who we shove out of the way when we pretend we know about that one band/movie/book somebody refers to? Now I realize I'm making a broad generalization. Perhaps I should keep this specific.

Me, I'm talking about myself, here.

The reason I started in on beliefs is because I too often feel bogged down by the immense weight of...the universe, I guess? At least, that's a heroically dramatic way to put it. What it really amounts to is the fact that I find myself living under the same rules I unconsciously set for myself when I was a child. I'm certain many folks never grow out of that. It's really easy to abide by the patterns you establish throughout your life and cling to them like a security blanket. I, for one, simply MUST feel like the 'In-Trouble Boy'. A child who hides his true fingerpainting sloppy-eating nature from adults because he has to 'be good'. It's something I feel comfortable with, even though its extremely negative. Its easier though, for me not to be myself in circumstances in which I feel uncomfortable. It's waaay simpler to nod and smile and give the right answers so people will like you. That's the thing nobody tells you. It's actually really difficult to own up to the fact that folks are going to think you're a dick sometimes, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. If anything, frankly, you should embrace it! I mean--hell if its who you are, and if its based in honesty and not fear then all you're doing is sifting through the flour. You're finding out who likes you for you and who likes you because you make them feel good about themselves. Unfortunately when your subconscious pattern dictates that you should surround yourself with people who 'accept' you so you can feel confident about where you stand--all you're doing is hanging yourself slowly. You've assembled a parade of empty, smiling backslappers who've crowd-surfed you out of your own body and away from yourself. This is something I set up for myself. This fear-based foot shooting is worse than the weekend-long procrasturbation that keeps us from our to-do list. Personally, I fear that anything I put forth energetically simply won't be good enough--just won't do. And hey, I've got plenty of contradicting evidence, too!

But I can only ignore myself for so long before something breaks. Before something gives way and melts. We are filled to the brim with stardust, and no matter how many coats we throw around our bodies, its not long before we belch up a furious comet or begin to leak nebulas from our navels. 'Be' is good, 'Be Aware' is better, 'Be Bold' is great and 'Be Rad' is what life wants you to do anyway. We're not programmed to fail, which is why we never truly do.

Love Love Love and Love,
Dakotah

Also I got you this website, it seems like the type of thing you'd be into. I mean sure, go ahead and keep the receipt if you want.