Always one foot on the ground--

I can't figure out whether love is like truffle hunting, songwriting, cleaning a mirror, or solving a mystery.

I know, I'm totally preoccupied with the concept--but that's just because it's so confusing/simple. It's ludicrous (and downright disrespectful) to doubt whether I've really been in love before. I have. Simple as that. Now that my ideas of love have altered however, I find myself getting psyched out. I spend my days staring at the ground because I found a loose five dollar bill one time. Any time there's a hint of green on the concrete, it's "Oh...OH..IS THAT...? IS IT-? Oh...no, I guess not. It's just a 'Home Run Pie' wrapper. Nevermind." and I thrust my hands into my pockets skulk away. Having a constant inner monologue of "Maybe this is it! Maybe this is it! No, maybe THIS is it!" Serves only to disappoint and confuse.

What this seems to be becoming is a declaration against love.

And that's not really really what I want. It may be what I need, though.

And then again, I am definitely over-complicating things.

The concern: Love is possible, but I...

A. Have had it and lost it.
B. Haven't really had it, but have been infatuated enough to think I have. (Then see 'A')
C. Am spending all of my time bitching about it instead of going after every single opportunity that I should.
C2. I have been going for opportunities, however I have also realized that I'm bad at the whole thing--and I should throw in the towel now. (Then see 'B')
D. Am surrounded by it even now, but in order to support a dramatic 'woe is me, I'm so lovelorn--where it my Postal Service CD?' mentality, I have chosen to ignore that fact.
E. Haven't cultivated a deep enough love and understanding of yours truly to even recognize love when it's all up in my greel.
F. Have to get all the "Love? Hah. Let's just get nekked." out of my system first.
F2. Who am I kidding? I will NEVER get option 'F' out of my system.

It's confusing. But not really. I'm just impatient.

Also unconditional love fucking terrifies me. So...y'know...it's probably the right road to begin heading down. There are people I will always love, no matter what. I hope they know that. The hard part is saying, "I'll love you even if you don't love me back. I'll love you when you hate me. I'll love you if I never see you again. I'll love you when you're walking down the aisle with someone else."

Perhaps I've contradicted myself.

In the end--the only one who needs to love you is you...but we have so many derisive words for those people.

Whatever. I'm finally back in ownership of "The Once and Future King."

Love love love,
Dak