Totes Feeves.

Every now and again, I write a post like this...and seeing as its been a while--here we go!

I'm going to gnash through my molars, here.

BE PREPARED FOR TOO MUCH INFORMATION THEATRE. IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED/A RELATIVE OF MINE--YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

If you've been nearby while I'm drunk at a party--you know I have a ridiculously absurd sex drive. Chances are I've slung an arm around your shoulder and leaned too close to your ear to whisper at you through gritted teeth, "Good GOD there are too many amazing butts in this room." Perhaps you know this even without those circumstances. Perhaps you've dated me before.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Absurd? No dude...you're a guy. It's just like that."
My response to you is, "No no no--you don't understand. This is different."

My amp goes up to eleven.

It's to the point where I'm surfing the web-o-tron at a coffee shop and actually pausing videos and turning down the volume so I can specifically focus on butts. Like...I can't have any distractions. If someone where to tap me on the shoulder, I would push them away by the face until I was ABSOLUTELY through with my appraisal. And this isn't like...every ten minutes or so. This is near constant. It's been about an hour, and I haven't gotten through the latest AVGN.

It used to frustrate me. (HAHAHAHAHAHA, GET IT!?? CUZ-) But now I've just kind of accepted it. This is how I'm wired, and potential girlfriends will simply have to understand/be patient/carry a sedative-filled needle. Seriously--I've just lost three minutes between the previous sentance and this one because the window I'm looking through is on a downtown thoroughfare.

But JESUS--FUCK.

Funniest dude moments thus far:

Dakotah's eyes "Hey wow...you're quite the young lady.."
Pause
Dakotah's eyes "OH GOD, YOU'RE QUITE THE YOUNG LADY..."

Dakotah's eyes "Is it like...fine ass day in Boise?"
Dakotah's brain "Hey, I hear the Final Fantasy Thirteen review just popped up, you wanna check that out?"
Dakotah's eyes "Shut the fuck up or you don't get any more circulation."
Dakotah's brain "But I thought you were interes...ooooh...ohhhh... it's all getting dark..."

That's all. Thought I'd share.

Also--as an addendum, let me describe a dude who's sitting outside right now. Bright yellow sunglasses, tiny tank top, enormously beefy, tattoo sleeves, longboard perched next to him, puffing on a cigar, flipping through "Man's Search For Meaning", massive hole in the crotch of his jeans.

Love love love,
Dakotah