...but not on the bed I'm sleepin' on.

No, the title doesn't have anything to do with anything. It's just the second half of the number one hit jam, "Come on, girl (get your pee-pee on) [but not on the bed I'm sleepin' on]" Which is incidentally the mathematic formula for AWESOME. (Solve for 'Pee-pee')

I played some Bayonetta over at McJew's place, a game which actually provoked some thought after perusing (read: McJew reading it aloud while I kick angels in the head with THUNDER FEET) this article.

In essence, the game is pure ridiculous overblown action. Honestly, it crams God of War 2's design ethic down its throat. The tutorial has you using four goddamn guns to blast angels into smithereens in slow motion while "Fly Me To The Moon" jazzes all over your sweaty back. Oh wait--no...that's the second half of the tutorial. The prologue has you falling through the air on a massive chunk of building debris while you and your rival obliterate hordes of heavilyarmed dragoons on all sides. Many flips are involved. In short, this game does action the best. No. Shut the fuck up. THE BEST.

And yes, she kicks high. The article mentions that Bayonetta dodges the objectifying women bullet by being utterly in control and completely aware of her sexuality. More often than not, you see the "Don't touch me, I'm a ballbuster" stereotype or the "I'm demure and made of BOOOOOBS" situation...or as the article suggests "Yeah, I'm a chick...but it has nothing to do with my character" thing. She is none of these. Everything this character does is deliberate--and it makes the player feel like a badass--AND IT GIZ U A BONNER. I found myself more connected to her than to a character like...say...Mai Shiranui from King of Fighters. About 95 percent of the women in gaming right now have that "Oops, am I sexy?" attitude that I find myself rolling my eyes at. Bayonetta is a welcome dose of "I'm hot as shit, I know I'm awesome, and you're going to want to play as me." As opposed to finding myself embarrassed by her ridiculous antics, I was thinking "Holy shit, girl--you're ridiculous and I love it." Just the way you'd get behind Dante or Kratos because of their overwhelming personalities.

Anyway...look...you should play the game.

ALSO--while working last night I heard one of the best quotes ever.

"Ugh...it's a WEEKEND, I don't wanna' stare at BOOKS. If I wanted to look at BOOKS, I'd be at SCHOOL."

To which I wish I'd been close enough to reply,

"Totally. Did you know there are people who actually spend their weekends staring at these filthy things?"

And lastly, y'all negroes know I'm all about the Ted Talks. And, this one? This one is one of the best.

Love,
Dakonettah